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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504598">Slowly Let Me Go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/banditsolace/pseuds/banditsolace'>banditsolace</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Thai Actor RPF, เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV), เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Major Illness, Marriage, One Shot, Regret, Same-Sex Marriage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 03:15:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504598</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/banditsolace/pseuds/banditsolace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After 10 years of being together, Mew Suppasit and Gulf Kanawut are about to find out things are not the way they were before.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Slowly Let Me Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was happy. For the past ten years of his life, he was happy. It wasn’t easy, but for Gulf, it was every moment well-spent. It was ten years of love, of memories made, of togetherness. Must all good things come to an end?<br/>
Today, Gulf knew he could no longer keep on pretending. These last few weeks he has been exhausted and the weariness has finally caught up with him. He put his hand on his chest as he breathed in and out while staring blankly at the ceiling; hyper aware of the documents laid rest on his bedside table. The gentle rays of the sun poking through his windows’ curtains, flooding his room with morning light.<br/>
Today, Gulf finally came to a decision. Oddly, it made him at peace and it was the first time in a while.<br/>
He reached for his phone and dialled him up. After a few rings, someone picked up the call.<br/>
“Hi.” Gulf said in an almost inaudible voice.<br/>
After a long pause, someone answered.<br/>
“Hi.”<br/>
He cleared his throat.<br/>
“I’m sorry to call you so early in the morning. But I just wanted to let you know that I will sign the divorce papers,” he paused, waiting for the other person to talk but they didn’t so he continued,” I just have few requests from you before I do. Dinner tonight, here. I’ll cook.”<br/>
“Okay,” came the short response.<br/>
“Okay.”<br/>
For the first time in a while, Gulf was sure of what he needed to do.</p><p>The stew has just stopped simmering just as the doorbell rang. He checked the time; he was still punctual as always. He almost laughed at the thought. He was never late to anything to begin with. He quickly washed his hands as he made his way to answer the door.<br/>
As soon as he pulled the door open, a tall, well-built man came into view. Truth to be told, it’s been a while since they last saw each other so he immediately noticed that the other man had let his hair grow longer than usual. <i>Usual </i>. He shook his head in disapproval and proceeded to let the man in.<br/>
“I hope you’re hungry.” He said as he let them both to the dining room.<br/>
“Starved, actually,” came the eager reply.
He couldn’t help the smile that found its way on his lips as he remembered how he loved—loves cooking for him. He watched the other man help himself with so much gusto, he’s pretty sure it’s not going to change any time soon.</p><p>The pair fell into a calm and quiet rhythm, it wasn’t awkward but no one  was saying a word for no one didn’t know what to say; or maybe both didn’t know where to start. </p><p>Gulf felt full despite eating so little as he took in the image of the man seated across him, cliché as it sounded. </p><p>“Thank you for the meal,” the other man paused as he wiped his lips, “it was wonderful. As always.” </p><p>Gulf couldn’t help the blushing of his cheeks that came after that remark from him. He shook his head gently, failing to not take the compliment.</p><p>“Thank you as well for agreeing…” He trailed, not really sure of his words.</p><p>The other man nodded his head softly as if to say that he understands. </p><p>“What I’m asking of you is not a small thing. Heeding to your requests is the least that I can do.”</p><p>Right. The requests. Truth to be told, he did have a list. He surmised that they’re well within good reasons, he just wasn’t sure now. But he has argued countless times that he at least deserved these from him.</p><p>“First and foremost, believe me when I say I will sign the papers after you completed all of my requests.”</p><p>He bobbed his head. “You don’t have to say a disclaimer. I know you will.”</p><p>Upon hearing that, he couldn’t help but swallow the imaginary lump on his throat. He still has a way with his words with him. Gathering his courage, he continued.</p><p>“I want you to move back in here with me. We will not sleep together,” he paused, gauging the reaction of the other man. He might’ve been taken aback but he didn’t express it so he pressed on, “You will use the other room. I want to cook your meals but you’re free to eat anywhere else if you wish not to eat with me. I’m only asking you to eat with me every breakfast. And since you’ll be living with me here again, please treat me like you used to. Nothing too overt, just anything you’re comfortable with. But I do hope you can hold my hands again.”</p><p>He finished as he watched the seated man across him digest the requests he shared. </p><p>“I see,” he briefly nodded before continuing, “and for how long will this take?” </p><p>Gulf was slightly taken aback by how calm the older man was taking this. </p><p>“For a week. If you can start this Monday, that would be great.” </p><p>The other man was about to say something but it got cut off by his ringing phone. He looked at the caller before saying to Gulf, “I need to take this call. Give me a moment?”</p><p>He wasn’t sure how many times the other man had surprised him this evening because of his actions. Not trusting his voice, he just nodded. He silently watched the older man stand up to walk away and take the call.</p><p>He took this chance to clear the table and wash the dishes. He found himself mulling at what happened at the table and just as he was finishing cleaning and wiping, the incoming footsteps brought him back from his reverie. </p><p>“Sorry it took so long.” The other man said as he rounded up the counter.</p><p>He wiped his wet hands before turning to the older man. From the look of him, he knew who it was. He knew who it was but he was afraid to confirm it is who he thought of.
</p><p>“No matter,” he coolly said. “I’m sure it was important.”</p><p>“I’m sorry I didn’t help,” the other man answered, not really supplying any information on who the caller was. He looked at his wrist watch.</p><p>“It is also late. I have to go,” he paused. He cleared his throat before saying, “I’ll be here Sunday evening. I’m sure you have the room ready by then.”</p><p>Gulf, for the countless times this evening, was taken by surprise by the other man again. </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Okay. I’ll go ahead.” </p><p>----</p><p>Mew shakily received the letter that Mild was handing to him. Things happened so fast he was not even registering all the things that Mild was saying to him. </p><p>“Mew are you even listening to me right now?” Mild slightly raised his voice to snap Mew out of his trance, shaking his shoulders for good measure.</p><p>“I said, Gulf’s cancer has relapsed and that is why he agreed on divorcing you.”</p><p>
  <i>What?</i>
</p><p>“Re-relapsed? Why…” Mew was struggling to find the words to say. He felt as if the world was crushing its whole weight against him. He was struggling to breathe. </p><p>“H-How didn’t I know?” He felt his knees weaken, no longer capable of bearing the brunt of his weight. </p><p>“He wanted to tell you…” the shorter man trailed, unsure how to proceed. But he didn’t have to. Mew understood perfectly what he meant. </p><p>
  <i>Oh my God.</i>
</p><p>He suddenly felt like the shittiest person ever alive. He clutched his chest, the looming pain becoming unbearable every second he breathed.</p><p>Gulf, the person he had spent a third of his life with. He was the person he married. He was the person he had exchanged his vows with. He was the person he used to see first in the morning everyday. He was the person he first fell in love with.</p><p>
  <i>Oh my God.</i>
</p><p>He found himself collapsing on the floor, realising what the past few days were for. </p><p>How couldn’t he tell what it was for? How couldn’t he notice? Was he so eager to leave him he couldn’t see that the love of his life was suffering?</p><p>He wanted the earth to open up and to swallow himself right then and there. </p><p>“Mild! I held him! I kissed him! I held his hands!” He was livid at himself. He could care less of the people that were staring at him.</p><p>“Mild! I knew he lost weight! I could tell Mild!” But the shorter man remained muted, letting the older man cry on his own.</p><p>How could he be so selfish? When Gulf was nothing but selfless. How could he be so indifferent? When Gulf loved him with all his heart. How could he be so cowardly? When Gulf showed him what true strength meant. </p><p>“Mild…” He cried his heart out as he held  the man’s leg, as if to beg for a miracle, “I didn’t say I love him.”</p><p>It was true. For the first time in the past months that he was with someone else, he knows for sure it was Gulf all along. It was him. It is still him. But it was all too late.</p><p>----</p><p>
  <i>To My Dearest Mew,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>First of all, I want to thank you for choosing to be with me everyday for the past ten years of our lives together. And those years that I was with you are the most important years of my life. I will never regret choosing you.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Mew, there’s one thing I never said out loud to you because at the time then I thought it really didn’t matter and to be honest, I did think and feel that we were never going to be together. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Looking back though, as I write this letter, maybe I should’ve. And that is why I think this is now the time to let you know. Think back of the time when we first met. I’m pretty sure you think it was when I was being introduced as the new resident of the cardiology department. Well I think of that moment fondly too because of how extremely dashing you looked in your white coat. You stood out from other residents. And, that was when I fell in love at first sight with you all over again. Yes, you read that right. Again. The truth is, we have actually met a couple of years before that. You were on a trip with your friends in Switzerland. And that was the first time I saw you and your handsome smile. I knew you were having a blast and it was infectious because despite what I was going through, I found myself smiling for the first time. I confirmed it was you when I saw the pictures from your trip that you showed when we started dating. I wasn’t in the pictures but I remember we were at the same place at the same time. I remembered you. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>And that is why I’m sorry. I’m really sorry that I lied to you and that you had to find out this way. I have decided that I can no longer keep on being selfish. A decade with you was more than I could’ve asked for. It was more than what I deserve. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Mew, please never ever blame yourself. I thought that we we’re still happy. Clearly, you weren’t for a long time now. And I was no longer too. You know that I really don’t want to go. And if I had the chance, you know I will still stay beside you. But we both know that will just make the two of us unhappy. I was scared of letting you go; especially after realising it’s what I needed to do. But now is the time to let you go. I am now ready to let you go. Please let me go too.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Hearts may change but our memories won’t. We were happy. In those ten years, a third of our lives, we were happy. And that is what I want you to remember.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I know that by time you have read this letter, I’m already gone. It was never your fault, Mew. It is no one’s fault. Please find yourself a happiness. My greatest happiness is being able to choose to love you everyday.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>My other prayer is that I hope time will be kind to you as it wasn’t to me. I hope you will be able to live for a long time with a happiness you will choose to be with for a long time. A very long time. Longer than ten years, okay?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I have loved you. I will never choose not to love you. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>With all my love,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Gulf</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is not a chaptered fic! Uh, I don’t know how to remove the chapter huhu</p></blockquote></div></div>
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